If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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