I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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