Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
