Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
only you would photoshop your dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
