did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
