i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
