I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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