With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
