come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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