it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
