I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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