Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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