I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize