watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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