Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
