Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
