I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
