i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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