I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
