he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
