omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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