Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
