U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
