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he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
