It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
