i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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