i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
