Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
