just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
