I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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