3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
