you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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