One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
