Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
