I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
