Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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