i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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