what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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