when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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