So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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