Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Terrible idea I love it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
