omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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