Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
