Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
