Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
