carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
