it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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