there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
