I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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