So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
