I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
