Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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