I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
