If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
