There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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