My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
