At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
