Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
