Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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