ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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