This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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