you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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